Whilst driving in the truck on a sunny day last week, Marcus had his window open. The wind and the sun were gently blowing through his long hair. He sighed a happy sigh and began to talk in a stream of consciousness sort of way.
“Mommy, I love you more than air, I love you more than water, I love you more than Daddy….no wait, I love you guys the same. I love you then, more than”… inspiration struck him…”wait for it”…he leans in and says in a husky whisper “I love you more than Minecraft” A silent hush falls over the truck as we all take in the gravity of such a declaration……Not to be out done, I pull over onto the side of the road and say
“Are you ready?” He leaned in, in great expectation
“Marcus, listen closely” he leaned in further still and I whisper into his ear
“I love you more than plants!”
There was a sharp intake of breath from the listener, like he wasn’t even sure until that moment that, that much love could exist.
He undoes his seat belt, stands up and says in a powerful voice, while letting his hand open
“Mike Drop!”
from Facebook
An hilarious breakfast story from the #landofcute
Good morning. While eating mango and banana pancakes this morning, Marcus had to eat in a hurry before religious school at 9:30. His pancakes were hot so I suggested he break them open to cool off, wherein Daddy said
“If you cut them up you increase the surface area to volume ratio” To which Marcus responded amazed
“Do you put science into everything you say?”
Mommy “If your only tool is a hammer then everything is a nail. Your daddy is a scientist so he sees everything scientifically”
To which Marcus says to me….wait for it…
“Well then, you’re a hoe!”
I can’t stop giggling.
from Facebook
A heart stopping tale from the #landofcute
Deep in Scarberia tonight, we got off the 401 and a homeless man was asking for money at the side of the road. Marcus asked me if I have any money to give him. I “roll down” the window and hand him some money. Marcus said through the window
“Have a good night” and he waved at Marcus in the back seat.
“Mommy, can we bring home a homeless person and give him a home? Or go to an orphanage and adopt a child who doesn’t have a mom or dad?” ….wow…he goes on to say…
“You know mommy, poor people should have a march just like the women do!”
“Really? What would they march about?”
“About being poor and how hard it must be”
“What would their signs say?”
“Well, they would say, ‘I need a home’, and ‘I need money’ but most importantly they would say ‘I need a family’
Heart melting……..I acknowledged his sweetness and loveliness and he said
“Mommy, can we listen to our story now?”
(Book 4 of the Percy Jackson series)
Lately I have been thinking about retiring the #landofcute and then my kid does something so sweet or hilarious. More and more I keep it to myself as I am unsure where the cut off date is of morbid embarrassment he may feel looking back on my FB history. So, I asked for permission to tell you this story.
I want to tell you about a man named Abdullah whom Marcus and I met on the subway this weekend. Abdullah had 48 hours between exams to come from Montreal and look after his sister’s kids because his sister had contracted food poisoning. After talking animatedly from Spadina station to Lawrence west. Marcus turned to me and said.
“Mommy, I really like this man, he is so nice, can we invite him to our Chanukah party?”
For those within earshot the collective melt was palpable. I had to close my eyes for a moment cause I thought I was gonna burst with cuteness. The doors opened and Abdullah had to get off. Marcus said to him as the doors closed….
“We live right near Whittamore’s berry farm in a forest. I hope you can come!”
No date, time or any other details. I just want you to be there. They waved to each other as the train pulled away.
from Facebook
A Lord of the Rings tale from the #landofcute
God herself only knows why my son every time he cleans the litter boxes says out loud “Look at all of this treasure I am finding!” I am so grateful that he can find amusement in this chore. Today had a new more literary aspect to it.
I came around the corner and found him cleaning the litter box while talking to him self “Precious, come my little Precious” imitating Golem. I nearly imploded with laughter. Gary Marriott and I had a Hardy laugh and he looked up. Then he really got into character and started to move like Golem too. It was awesome.
from Facebook
A heartfelt tale from the #landofcute
A deep sigh goes through my wee son as he looks out over the lake.
“Mommy, if I had a Jeanie in a bottle I would ask him to stop making mosquitoes. But I would never wish for a new Mom”
from Facebook
An etymology tale from the #landofcute
While walking downtown the other day Marcus got super offended by the amount of litter on the ground.
“Mommy, who would do this? Why do people litter? Mommy, can I insult them?”
I kind of froze with a bit of excitement.
“What do you mean?”
“I want to say out loud what I think of people who litter”
I told him to go right ahead. I was so curious about what he might say. It went a little something like this.
“Damn flaming Paltroons!”
Oh yeah! I thought to myself. You let it rip kid!” I was not expecting what he said next
“Damn Anglo Saxons!”
“What????”
He had no idea what it meant, but he heard the term in the new book he is listening to with his dad about Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman. I keep forgetting to ask Gary in what context an Anglo Saxon would be considered an insult. What ensued was a very interesting conversation about the power of words, wherein he finally asked me what the word bitch meant.
“Mommy, I don’t know what it means, I just know it is a bad word. But it really feels like a good word you would say when you were angry. I like the b sound and then the itch”
At the end of the school year there was a party and Marcus and some of his friends got their finger nails painted with blue mail polish. A few times he has asked me if I can buy him some and paint his nails. Today it came to a head and he asked me straight out if after camp can we go buy some blue nail polish. I thought about my answer and said, “Typically, but not always, nail polish is worn by women. Are you prepared if people say things to you about it?” His answer was priceless.
“I am a kid, everyone thinks everything I do is adorable!”
I had to take a step into the hallway to catch my breath. How is that for an argument?
from Facebook
A mischievous tale from the #landofcute
Marcus: Mommy, can I eat this flower blossom?
I looked over to where he is pointing, he had spotted chive flowers.
“Well Marcus, you can, but it will give you incredible flatulence”
His eyes lit up and a slow smile started in the corner of his mouth. I was starting to know this look of late….mischeviousness! The thought that a plant could cause farts was too much fun to avoid. Down the hatch before I could give a second warning. Besides the fact that my son thought this was hilarious (as did I, but I did not let on) We were on our way into a shiva house with my son reeking of onions. He was not bothered by the piece of fruit cake I brought him to mask his pungent scent.
Addendum: Gastrointestinally speaking, nothing unusual happened. B
from Facebook
An omnipotent tale from the #landofcute
Marcus: I know God’s real name!
Mommy: Really?
With great confidence he declares
Yeah, it’s Bob Jeffery Stefan. But he goes by Bob for short.
I just smile, knowing the days are numbered for these sweet silly thoughts shared aloud.
"Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength"
